Day Three Core Events as a Focal point

[jodi henley]

Day Three



Core Events as a Focal Point


Now that we have a couple of buttons to push, a story event or two, and a general idea of where we’re going—let’s talk about people.
Stories sell because of the people in them—and the easiest way to see what I mean is to imagine your story without people. It’s just setting and potential. Like if you had a room with a chair in it. If you sit someone on the chair, story happens.

How’d they get there, why are they sitting on it, and what happens next?

Add a story event—Mercedes trips on the threshold and spills her boiling hot coffee in John’s lap.

…and you’ve got motion.

The trick is in knowing why Mercedes is in that room with a cup of coffee so you can see what happens next and pick the possibility that hits the right buttons for your target audience.

I can definitely write a story where Mercedes walks into the room, trips and dumps coffee on John, and because I think it would work well, I’ll also have John jump up, tell her it’s okay and notice how freaking hot she is. They go out to Starbucks where he buys her a new coffee.

I’ve got John and Mercedes from pt. A to pt. B, where they can talk and grow their relationship, but a short story isn’t just what’s on the page, it’s the stuff off-page as well. Motivations? Character. Wants and needs.

If Mercedes is a rich kid who always gets a good night’s sleep and she trips over a loose strap in her Jimmy Choos and dumps her double-shot autumn spice latte in John’s lap, you’re going to get a different story than if Mercedes had been a poor kid who’d stayed up late because her sisters were sick, and trips because she’s running on an hour of sleep and a cup of cheap coffee.

In other words, a short story is a visible piece of a greater whole. Which goes back to figuring out your people. And for that let’s talk about core events as a focal point.

---A little bit about psychology, the environment your characters grew up in and how to use core events to create the people you want, or understand the people you already have.

People live in context, and are a result of the choices they've made, the way they grew up and what they've done with their lives. In other words, people are "me-centric". We have our own point of view and the world exists--for us--through our point of view.
Ie.
A only child college kid in an upper middle class household might view the world as her oyster. Daddy bought her a Miata for high school graduation, she's going to University, has good clothes and great health--her teeth are white and straight, she's got a nice haircut, and for spring break she's touring Greece (taking it as a given she's well-adjusted).

"I love life!” she tells people. “Life has always been good to me. I have no worries and my swim team is going to London this summer."

But if you take that same nineteen year old and put her in different context, the world changes because her focus shifts.

This kid grew up in a single parent working class household; she shares her room with two sisters. They have bunk beds and she has a twin. Her grades were bad because she worked the night shift at McDonald's to help her mom out, and she's tired all the time. Sometimes she thinks of going to community college, but somehow she fell through the cracks.

"I wish I'd never been born. My mom works all the time, and I'm tired of taking care of my sisters. People laugh at me because my teeth are crooked and I work at McDonald's. The first thing I'm going to do when I win the lottery is get braces."

The same sun rises in the same sky when each kid gets out of bed, but for one kid, each day has unlimited potential. She gets up, thinks about eating and decides against it because she's trying to stay a size 3. The other kid pulls her uniform from the shower rod, makes a face because it smells like mildew and decides against eating because if she does, there won’t be enough for her sisters.

They were both born with the same basic equipment in the same way each character starts out as a blank page, but the girl touring the Greek Islands isn't the girl getting written up for a dirty uniform. The choices you make about "who" your character is, influence "how" they act.

Did you think the rich kid buys lottery tickets? A million dollars doesn't buy much. But the kid with one discretionary dollar knows a million dollars isn't “just” a million dollars--it's toys for her sisters, a car for her mom, an end to baby-sitting and a kind of freedom the other kid doesn't know she has.
Knowing your character's social status in relation to the world they inhabit is a necessity.

It's the most important of the character building blocks because from social background you also get physical and emotional building blocks. Each block leans against the other.

The physical appearance of your character is a combination of genetics and life-choices, both of your character and his/her parents. Let's go back to Mercedes.

Mercedes is the poor kid who works at McDonalds.

She grew up poor, which brings us to her appearance--maybe she slouches and gives people angry sidelong looks. Maybe she has acne from a greasy diet and burns from cleaning the fryers. Her hands are rough and her nails are broken. Maybe she wears Medicaid glasses, the big ones with the large plastic frames, and her cousin Stefani’s hand-me-down clothes, too big or too small.

Back before she was born, her parents were poor and I’m not going to get into a far-reaching discussion of genetics, it’s enough to say her mom was a teenager when Mercedes was born and Mercedes’ dad wanted nothing to do with a baby and couldn’t pay child support.

Mercedes could have tried to escape by joining a gang or trying to sleep her way out, but I want “this” Mercedes, the one who works at McDonalds. To get that Mercedes I need to “see” her core events. What made this girl the person she is now?

Something has to hold her at McDonalds and because she’s going to be my heroine, I’m going to make her sisters nine year-old twins. She loves those little girls and because she loves them, she’ll do anything she can to make sure they have enough to eat and things to wear. If she was a secondary and just had a minor role, I might have used an alcoholic mother to point up what a nice person Mercedes is under her worker-drone exterior, but since she’s my heroine, I want to layer in her anger and give her depth.

So I’ll make her mom a good woman, trying to survive in a bad situation. Her skills aren’t valuable, her rent is barely covered by section 8 and she has food stamps which she’ll lose if her income goes over a certain amount.

Mercedes isn’t stupid. She knows her mother is trying. She watches her mom every day, tired and worn-out just like Mercedes. It feels wrong to hate her mother, but Mercedes, like a lot of people, can’t shut down her anger and resentment.

---now let’s flesh her core story event.

And in this instant we can work our story backward or forward. By that I mean, “What do you want Mercedes to do in this particular story?” or “Would you rather create Mercedes first and then figure out what she’s going to do?”

Both are legitimate ways to get to the same point.

Say this story is purely character driven in that I don’t know what’s going to happen. I want to wait and see. To create Mercedes first, you need to peg the one thing outside observers would say defines the character.

No fair saying, “Most people are pretty much the same.” For the purpose of this story, what do you notice? We all know people who are a little cold or very angry.

And if there’s one thing I want you to take away from this workshop, it’s that you can’t create a real person.

No one can.

Real people are like an Old Masters painting. In our stories, we create Impressionist paintings of people. We draw them in pieces using the important parts, so when you step back, you see the whole. In an Old Master, no matter if you’re close or far, an eye looks like an eye.
In an Impressionist painting, if you get up real close, an eye is a series of small brush-strokes that look like a collage. When you step away and look at it from a distance, it looks like an eye.

For some stories or in secondary characters, line drawings work because although not everything is there, the whole is recognizable and we need less of them.

Let’s say in this story I plan on kidnapping Mercedes sisters since that would hurt her most.

Mercedes has to have a core event that A) focuses on her sisters and B) will not let her back down short of death.

…and if I was going into this story without an idea for plot or events, I’d peg her as “angry”

---quick point?
Core events are backstory. One focal point where everything crystalizes. While you can (if you want) show them in flashback, or refer to them, they’re like the green beans in a casserole. They need to be there for the dish to be “green bean” casserole, but you pretty much just see the fried onions and mushroom soup—the signature of a green bean casserole.

If you spoon into a green bean casserole, you’re going to see green beans. Every spoonful of casserole has green beans and echoes of the core event in it, mixed in with the soup and fried onions in the same way that your character--who they are, what they are, and because of that, what they’ll potentially do--is an integral part of your story. By itself, a green bean is just a green bean, but “together” with other ingredients, it becomes a casserole-person. You don’t need to show a core event for it to be the driving force behind your story. You just need to know it’s there.

You can simply say, “I’m going to kidnap Mercedes sisters and she’s going after them.” And maybe get, “well, she’s also poor” and “I want her to have acne.”

But thinking Mercedes through makes each layer of her character interconnect.

She’s poor, she’ll dress like this. She eats a lot of fast food, she’ll have greasy hair. She has acne on her forehead because of her hair, her mother makes her angry, but she can’t do anything about it, so her facial expression is like “this” a little sour. So when you get stuck, say—maybe you have her riding in the car with the hero and he glances over at her, description, conversation and situation are all laid out.

Ie?

He’s driving along, glances over at Mercedes. Her greasy lank hair falls in her eyes, hard to see behind the horrible windshield-style glasses. (Description of her physical person)

Her arms are folded and locked across her chest (let’s throw some body language in there) and she’s putting off anger like a perfume. (Emotional state)
Because anger usually responds to anger (and knowing her background) he says, “This isn’t McDonalds and you can’t get your sisters out of dry storage.”
She gives him an angry, sidelong look (because I’ve already established that as one of her mannerisms based on how she feels about her life situation) and says, “I know.”

Because based on her background, method of earning money (a solitary job versus a social job) and decision to be there for her little sisters, she probably has little social life, or skills, so it’s highly unlikely she’s going to go off into a beautiful monologue or engage the hero in idle chit-chat.

So let’s do her core event. The day everything she felt for her sister crystalized in one hot, shining instant.

---when Mercedes was thirteen and her sisters were four, her mom was working. Mercedes was watching her little sisters. Angry because she didn’t “want” little sisters, she hasn’t been a good big sister. She puts them to bed and falls asleep on the living room sofa. BUT, she’s also been experimenting with cigarettes and falls asleep with a lit cigarette. The sofa catches on fire and her sisters wake up at the smell of smoke. They race to wake her up. They get out, but the house burns. They made the conscious decision to wake her up because she was important to them. Unfortunately, their tabby cat, precious stuffed animals and blankies burn.

Her realization that her sisters sacrificed what they loved to save her—who they also loved, changed Mercedes. That one crystal pure instant--visuals, emotions, smells, sounds, everything, all at once, that locks into place is called "flashbulb memory." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flashbulb_memory)

Mercedes got a close up, firsthand look at love (when her sisters stumbled through the smoke and fire to save her) and pain (because by then the house was burning and she couldn’t go back in to save their cat and animals) and the consequences of her actions.

Out of this one core event, Mercedes develops the determination to save her little sisters from pain, a hugely developed sense of responsibility and let’s herself admit she loves them in return.

To further develop the story, I can also make her terrified of fire and have a hard time sleeping unless she checks the house to make sure there are no fire hazards and everyone is safe.

Some core events have more impact because of flashbulb memory. Flashbulb memory creates a stronger impact in a shorter time.

Tonight:
Spend some time thinking about the core event that shaped who your character is. If you have a hero and heroine,
think about both of them.

Write down your thoughts. Can you “see” the instance that shaped who your people are for “this particular” story?

[Eva McKellen]

Hi Jodi

this is probably the shortest core event post you've seen from me ... LOL.. (I hope anyway)

These are syncing core events which I touched upon in the first lesson.

Hero - is warm, vibrant, a bit loud, passionate and outgoing. When he is quiet is when his feelings are at the most intense.

He fell in love a few years ago with a young woman who was what society considered a perfect woman - modest, meek and kind. His feelings ran so strong he frightened her away with his intensity (he wasn't OTT, just too much for her and that was his only experience in being in love- women liked his passion well enough when it was a fling.) So he got really burnt and has regrets on how he handled that, took on the belief that he can't be himself around a woman he is in love with, vows not to make that mistake again.

Heroine:

Mother died when she was 4, barely has memories of her, even though she logically knows this isn't true, she has a subconscious wound of abandonment and rejection because she begged her mama not to go, when they brought her in to say goodbye for the last time. Her father is a dote when it comes to her and tried his best to make up. He is warm and kind but in a quiet, wise way. At the time her mother died, she also begged her father not to go. He promised he wouldn't and he kept that promise. He is an example to her of what a good man is and she doesn't trust a man who blows hot and cold, like her betrothed.

They are obviously good for each - She needs the real, impassioned and dedicated man he is to draw her out and he needs a woman that not only can keep up with him but needs who he really is.

Highlander the series is being shown again on the horror channel here and I'm watching it as i write this. I really think that show was responsible for many inspired highlander romances... the character development and expression of duncan mccleod was so rich and imaginative (and believable.)

[TaylorMLunsford]

Hi Jodi! I loved the videos. They really helped me visualize how to mesh the core events.


Core events
Anna: She’s a grad student from a comfortably well-off family. She’s an only child whose father worked too much to attend family events. She vowed never to marry man who put work before family after her father missed her 16th birthday party (the 4th in a row he’d missed because of an “emergency”). She wants to become a professor or an editor to support herself while writing. She works as an assistant to an editor to pay the bills.

Ryan: His older sister raised him because his parents died in a car accident when he was 7. He’s exceptionally intelligent, but as a scholarship student at Eton he was often beaten up and made fun of for humble origins. Took a first from Oxford and studied at the London school of economics. He is an established corporate attorney for a multinational firm and is on the fast track to make partner.

[meham]

Gran's core event for the story is sitting with a baby at her breast (in the company of other women complaining about their love lives) with no partner of her own. She has accepted the nature of her relationship with the father of her child, accepted her position with this group of women: only by becoming a mother can she hope to come fully into her wisdom power. But, she has to force down her loneliness, her envy, listening to the chat among these other women who smile while they complain about lovers leaving them tired and sore, about how intense the scent is and how it disrupts the orderly running of the day. She doesn't make the connection between her stuffed feelings and the cranky, colicky baby who has grown up to be Maggie, refusing her own gifts and grudging Gran's relationship with Sam.
m

[Kathryn Scannell]

Liu, my young courtesan, has idolized his older brother since he was old enough to walk. Shan is everything Liu would like to be but doesn't think he is - brave, athletic, skilled with a sword and battle magic, and making a career for himself in the Imperial Army. He's wrong about the brave part, but he isn't very powerful magically, and he's not more than passable with a sword. He lacks the killer instinct that would make him a good soldier.

He's getting letters from his brother, who is attached to the general staff, in the thick of the war going on. His brother is trying to keep up a good front for the people at home, but Liu can read between the lines and tell that his older brother is scared. They're losing. An overly honest letter from his brother who has just lost one of his fellow soldiers, who was also a lover, and is just emotionally wrecked over it, galvanizes Liu's resolve to go do something, anything to help. It's a stupid idea - he's just going to get himself killed, but he feels he has to do something.

[jodi henley]

Hi Jodi

Hi Eva! omg! You share my brain. It's super scary, lol

I love Highlander the series. Well....at least up until the point they killed Tessa, and the pilot is probably my favorite. :)


These are syncing core events which I touched upon in the first lesson.


I love that you're getting so good at it. When I read your posts it's like an emotional diagram and the reasons behind the emotions.

This is such a well-synced story.

:) I think it's going to rock!

[jodi henley]

Hi Jodi! I loved the videos. They really helped me visualize how to mesh the core events.

Thanks Taylor! :)



Core events
Anna: She’s a grad student from a comfortably well-off family. She’s an only child whose father worked too much to attend family events. She vowed never to marry man who put work before family after her father missed her 16th birthday party (the 4th in a row he’d missed because of an “emergency”). She wants to become a professor or an editor to support herself while writing. She works as an assistant to an editor to pay the bills.

Ryan: His older sister raised him because his parents died in a car accident when he was 7. He’s exceptionally intelligent, but as a scholarship student at Eton he was often beaten up and made fun of for humble origins. Took a first from Oxford and studied at the London school of economics. He is an established corporate attorney for a multinational firm and is on the fast track to make partner.


oh...nice! I like the built in conflict. Ryan has got to be carrying one hell of a heavy burden. Almost like a need to prove himself and show everyone it was just a matter of time before he became "more wealthier than thou", and making partner is a guaranteed way to keep him away from home.

Do you think Anna picked editing so she could disappear into books or find a man who'll always be there for her? Even if it's just words on paper? Or maybe her core event works to hurt her dating life? That anybody who so much as answers the phone while they're with her is a potential reject. Or that she comes across a little clingy?

[jodi henley]

Gran's core event for the story is sitting with a baby at her breast (in the company of other women complaining about their love lives) with no partner of her own. She has accepted the nature of her relationship with the father of her child, accepted her position with this group of women: only by becoming a mother can she hope to come fully into her wisdom power. But, she has to force down her loneliness, her envy, listening to the chat among these other women who smile while they complain about lovers leaving them tired and sore, about how intense the scent is and how it disrupts the orderly running of the day. She doesn't make the connection between her stuffed feelings and the cranky, colicky baby who has grown up to be Maggie, refusing her own gifts and grudging Gran's relationship with Sam.
m

ah...I like this, and all the layers within it. It's a very intimate look at displacement and denial. I wonder if Maggie has issues she can't let go of because of this, and if she can't stand Gran's relationship with Stan because of a subconscious feeling that she was passed over.

[jodi henley]

Liu, my young courtesan, has idolized his older brother since he was old enough to walk. Shan is everything Liu would like to be but doesn't think he is - brave, athletic, skilled with a sword and battle magic, and making a career for himself in the Imperial Army. He's wrong about the brave part, but he isn't very powerful magically, and he's not more than passable with a sword. He lacks the killer instinct that would make him a good soldier.

He's getting letters from his brother, who is attached to the general staff, in the thick of the war going on. His brother is trying to keep up a good front for the people at home, but Liu can read between the lines and tell that his older brother is scared. They're losing. An overly honest letter from his brother who has just lost one of his fellow soldiers, who was also a lover, and is just emotionally wrecked over it, galvanizes Liu's resolve to go do something, anything to help. It's a stupid idea - he's just going to get himself killed, but he feels he has to do something.

Nice!! I like the way you just tied family and honor together. How does his brother feel about the general?

[George Allwynn]

Okay - the Beta male is more thought out, as the Alpha male is still a mystery to me.

Beta male = has a unfounded fear of drowning. Has been plagued with nightmares all his life of drowning. He won't go past his chest when in the water. He can't take a shower - he panics when water hits his face with force.

Beta male was expelled from Cornerstone Bible College for stealing funds for a missionary trip. He really didn't do it (his room mate had taken the money and hid it in Beta's closet) Now, not only is the Beta male faced with having to pay back his student grants because of the expulsion, but his shamed family and friends have disowned him. He has no job, no place to live, and no one who believes his innocents.

Alpha male = Was abandoned by his parents when he was a boy. He also lost a lover to the Lakes of Michigan.

Alpha male was once accused of doing something he didn't do. This persecution lead him to a life on the Lakes.

[greta-g]

Claire: Nothing special ever happens to Claire. She is not talented or overly smart. She's the loyal friend that everyone turns to. She comes from a middle class family and feels quite--average. Except for her fear of the dark. She was five when she accidentally got locked in her grandparents' dark basement. She was in there for only thirty minutes, but it was enough to give her a phobia of the dark.

Chad: Claire's neighbor. Known as the neighborhood troublemaker, has had a secret crush on Claire for years. He, too, comes from a middle class family and feels this overwhelming need to rebel. The need stems from the fact that he always feels invisible. He's the middle child, his older brother was the school quarterback, popular and made straight A's. His younger sister is an award winning pianist. His only claim to fame is making his parents think of new, creative ways to punish him.

[Sela Carsen]

Tonight:
Spend some time thinking about the core event that shaped who your character is. If you have a hero and heroine, think about both of them.

Write down your thoughts. Can you “see” the instance that shaped who your people are for “this particular” story?
Hero's core event:
He was changed into a bear by day, a man by night several centuries ago. He was shallow and horny and rich and privileged. Nice enough, but he'd never been challenged. He fell in love with a forest witch/creature - a huldra - and she wanted to become queen. So she made the prince fall in love with her and marry her. Soon after they wed, the king and queen died of a mysterious illness. The night the new king and queen were crowned, she cursed him into this half-life.
He escaped and there's some detail that I'm missing here. Some clue that prevented the witch from attaining everything she wanted.
He has learned to take life one day at a time, not assuming that good things will come his way. He's been poor, he's been homeless, but now he's made a home and a life and he's almost resigned to the fact that he'll spend eternity trapped this way.

My heroine ... apparently sprang fully formed from the head of the muse. She's a teacher a local university and she came into possession of the artifact that the witch wants. She was chased off the road by the witch's creatures, saved by the hero, then the story ensues. But looking back on the story as it's written, she doesn't have much depth on her own. Obviously, that's something I'll need to fix.

[Meg Mims]

Hmmm... my story is so short due to word count -- and I had to save room for the solution to the crime. But I think I ought to just write it and worry about word count later. Maybe then I could cut w/o losing too much, winnow out the unnecessary, etc.

Shop owner -- old man, afraid to lose his daughter since he feels "abandoned" by his dead wife
Daughter -- wants to get married and be free of the shop, the heavy load of guilt caring for dad
Fiance - angry that the father is pressuring daughter to NOT marry, does not want to lose woman
Shop employee -- wants to keep shop open and keep his job

Somewhere in there, is the key to this story and the solution to the robbery. Still churning the butter, or chewing the cud ;-D

[Anju Dimello]

Thanks Jodie..for neatly putting the info I thought I learnt into an info that gave me more to ponder on - esp the way the hero glances at the heroine and conveys her physical, mental, emotional state and as the cherry on top - anger responds to anger ;) He riles her in a subtle manner :-D Love them already..

In the current WIP (tough choosing one of them to discuss here!)

My hero, being a wolf alpha, is trying to bring order into his pack, trying to pave the path for them to live normally, like humans - instead of animals. And things are going great - no unwarranted fights, he's happily married (about 6 mths ago) to a lovely wife he is crazy about and escapes every full moon to roam the forests, thereby saving any potential mishaps. All fine? So far - since the story hasn't started yet ;)

Core event (for my poor hero) :

His brother's wife is killed. The threads that spin out of this core event:
1. He, as the alpha, must first find the killer and put a stop to it before something else happens. Is it intentional killing, or random? Who and why, plague him in middle of consoling his brother to ensure the wolf-nature for revenge doesn't get the better of his pack.
2. He also recognizes the kill to be a wolf's, and that makes him wonder..if one wolf's mind can snap, what about the rest of them? Is he himself at risk.. Can he now trust himself to be safe, especially around his wife? The wolves can never stop the transformation during full moon - this lack of control adds fuel to the already raging fire.
And it is in such a mental state that he needs his wife, her softness to keep his wolf in check ;)
3. This event also in turn messes up with his lifelong battle to bring order into the wolf pack. Granted he cannot control other packs, but in face of blood or danger, he cannot allow his pack to lie low either and wait for the blow!
4. The heroine chooses this moment to realize she needs more from their relationship... hahaha (this is my cherry on top)

--- oh - this same event sparks a whole new story for the brother ... well ;) that's the sequel here..so I'm not allowing any spoilers to mar the anticipation.. and.. all this will come to fruition only when I complete my current WIP... :'(

[meham]

Sela--
Here's something you might be able to use on the Heroine's Journey (http://www.frankelassociates.com/calithwain/Heroine.htm)
Suggesting it because you're unclear with the mythic heroines. Love what you are doing. Want to read it when you're ready!
m

[Eva McKellen]

LOL Jodi ... I can see the silvery threads reaching from the PNW all the way across the Atlantic, to Ireland, connecting our brains ... LOL ... I think I even dreamt of the perfect Vimes last night.

Exactly right, I liked it better before Tessa was killed off too and loved the pilot. The whole 1930's thing with the pixie-ish thief didn't work for me at all.

I'm so glad you like my writeup! All those years of studying people and analysing my love life are finally paying off :)

Hugs
Eva

[Eva McKellen]

meham that is a great link (looked intriguing so had to take a peek)- thanks for sharing it on here :)

Eva

[Skylar Kade]

My next WIP is a romance targeted at Harlequin American Romance

Heroine: raised in small town, girl-next-door, reliable. Acts the parent to her irresponsible mother. Goes on vacation where she tries on a "bad girl" persona and realizes it fits...kinda.

Hero (Senator): father, grandfather were politicians, mother has groomed him to believe in power and money, not love. He gets the same from his campaign manager--nothing gets in the way of winning the senate seat. constituents are big on the "family values," mom/manager are even pushing him towards "appropriate" mates. Frustrated by being boxed in, he gives himself a night--which turns into a weekend--with an intriguing young woman who is everything he can't have.

[Sela Carsen]

Sela--
Here's something you might be able to use on the Heroine's Journey (http://www.frankelassociates.com/calithwain/Heroine.htm)
Suggesting it because you're unclear with the mythic heroines. Love what you are doing. Want to read it when you're ready!
m
I am going to lose hours in that site! Thanks so much, Meham!

[Ferdous]

Thanks Jodie for so clearly showing the core events. I always knew it as backstory.

Loved how clearly you took us down the layering steps, I know it's harder than it looks. For my paranormal WIP I have more or less figured out my hero's backstory but my heroine is still a bit of a mystery. I plan to use the above to see if I can elicit more information out of her! :)

Hero: was raised in a small village, by single mum. They were poor and fingers were constantly pointed towards him and his mother especially at his fatherless status. He is also half italian stood out even more amongst the WASP villagers. These experiences left him bitter and angry and he could not wait to leave it all behind to make his fortune in New York. Leaving behind also included the heroine. The story starts with him coming back home to the village, to the heroine, due to the paranormal event. He had an accident and when waking up, it was like he is a stranger but for some reason all he could think of was Melissa and the burning need inside to see her again.

So my hero would be angry, intense, driven with a lot of painful memories. In fact he will have a real tug of war in his hands when in the proximity of the heroine.

[Ferdous]

2. He also recognizes the kill to be a wolf's, and that makes him wonder..if one wolf's mind can snap, what about the rest of them? Is he himself at risk.. Can he now trust himself to be safe, especially around his wife? The wolves can never stop the transformation during full moon - this lack of control adds fuel to the already raging fire.
And it is in such a mental state that he needs his wife, her softness to keep his wolf in check ;)

'(

Hi Anju,

your story sounds good and I really do feel for your poor hero! <g> He wants to keep away and yet needs his wife, awww what a dilemma, would love to know how he resolved it. :)


Ferdous

[writingayle]

Hi!
This is the first time I have posted in the workshop, but I have read them all and really enjoyed it.
I particularly appreciated this one. I took two samples: a short story and a WIP novella and tried to come up with a core event for each character.
It helped me to get a clearer mental picture, so hopefully I can keep it in mind when I work on my next round of edits. My short story is kind of blah, so that might be the reason:)

[jodi henley]

Okay - the Beta male is more thought out, as the Alpha male is still a mystery to me.

Beta male = has a unfounded fear of drowning. Has been plagued with nightmares all his life of drowning. He won't go past his chest when in the water. He can't take a shower - he panics when water hits his face with force.

hmmm...I wonder what caused this? I can't stand deep water because my parents had a throw the kid in, she'll sink or swim attitude and I pretty much sank all the time. I couldn't "let go" enough to float. Too rigid maybe?

Do you think maybe he had some kind of trauma as a small child and his nightmares are a way for him to deal with them?



Beta male was expelled from Cornerstone Bible College for stealing funds for a missionary trip. He really didn't do it (his room mate had taken the money and hid it in Beta's closet) Now, not only is the Beta male faced with having to pay back his student grants because of the expulsion, but his shamed family and friends have disowned him. He has no job, no place to live, and no one who believes his innocents.

wow, that's got to suck. I wonder how religious he is, and if he thinks God also turned His back on him? Do you think part of his internal conflict with the Alpha is some kind of religious resistance to the "idea" of a ghost, or maybe he thinks the ghosts are in Purgatory?

And how does his attempt at suicide tie in with his background? Maybe...my family and God abandoned me! I might as well commit suicide and damn myself to Hell. And when the Alpha saves him, it's not just a "save", but a "SAVE", and maybe he thinks his feelings might be influenced by that?


Alpha male = Was abandoned by his parents when he was a boy. He also lost a lover to the Lakes of Michigan.

Alpha male was once accused of doing something he didn't do. This persecution lead him to a life on the Lakes.

ah...you think maybe that's why he saved the beta? Not because he was attracted, but because his lover once saved him?

It'd be interesting, don't you think, if the beta kind of resembled the alpha's long lost lover, and part of "his" conflict toward the beta is getting over what he thinks the beta should be (because of the resemblance) and looking beneath the surface to the innocence inside

:) Jodi

[jodi henley]

Hi! Hi Gayle!

Thanks for being patient with me as I work through the posts. God knows I run on at the fingertips :)



This is the first time I have posted in the workshop, but I have read them all and really enjoyed it.
I particularly appreciated this one. I took two samples: a short story and a WIP novella and tried to come up with a core event for each character.
It helped me to get a clearer mental picture, so hopefully I can keep it in mind when I work on my next round of edits. My short story is kind of blah, so that might be the reason:)

would you like to share them? Promise I don't bite, and if you're uncomfortable posting on a wide open forum, you can email them to me? jodihenley@gmail.com

sometimes blah is just a matter of focus, and people are a little too closely involved (not a bad thing, lol!) with their stories. :)

Thanks for being here in the workshop, Gayle!

Jodi

[jodi henley]

Claire: Nothing special ever happens to Claire. She is not talented or overly smart. She's the loyal friend that everyone turns to. She comes from a middle class family and feels quite--average. Except for her fear of the dark. She was five when she accidentally got locked in her grandparents' dark basement. She was in there for only thirty minutes, but it was enough to give her a phobia of the dark.

the first thing I thought was omg! Poor Claire. Not because she has a fear of the dark, but because she's suffering from being average. And repressed. She sounds like such a nice person, but there's an undercurrent of anger about her.

She's not talented or overly smart? It sounds like someone, somewhere has had a hand in messing with her self-perception.




Chad: Claire's neighbor. Known as the neighborhood troublemaker, has had a secret crush on Claire for years. He, too, comes from a middle class family and feels this overwhelming need to rebel. The need stems from the fact that he always feels invisible. He's the middle child, his older brother was the school quarterback, popular and made straight A's. His younger sister is an award winning pianist. His only claim to fame is making his parents think of new, creative ways to punish him.

I like the name Chad. It's an almost instant visual. :)

And I love the way Chad "reflects" Claire. He's not average. He's just not his brother or sister, and he's got this almost desperate need for attention. I'll bet there's nothing wrong with his parents--they just ignore him in favor of his brother and sister.

you know? I was thinking, wouldn't it just be awful if "everyone" ignored him in favor of his sibs? He'd go to school and people would ask about his brother, or tell him about one of his sister's concerts. He's got sibling rivalry and attention issues. It sounds like he almost "forces" his parents to punish him.

Do you think maybe...he's messed up enough to feel any attention is good attention?

Having everyone look at him and see his sibs has got to have worked on him. It almost sounds like he can see the extraordinary in Claire. :)

[jodi henley]

Hero's core event:
He was changed into a bear by day, a man by night several centuries ago. He was shallow and horny and rich and privileged. Nice enough, but he'd never been challenged. He fell in love with a forest witch/creature - a huldra - and she wanted to become queen. So she made the prince fall in love with her and marry her. Soon after they wed, the king and queen died of a mysterious illness. The night the new king and queen were crowned, she cursed him into this half-life.

ah! Nice twist.


He escaped and there's some detail that I'm missing here. Some clue that prevented the witch from attaining everything she wanted.

you know...I was going to lump this bit in with the bit that came after, but I glanced through the whole thread (to see how many replies were in it) and I noticed meham's comment. lol, I've never been sure how I felt about the whole Campbell thing, but...

tell me, Sela? "Who" and "what" did the witch chase away?

the king? Or the actual physical representation of the land itself? He escapes before she can "take" that from him. Sort of like the Fisher King who protects the Grail. The King is the land. And the Land protects him, even in exile.


He has learned to take life one day at a time, not assuming that good things will come his way. He's been poor, he's been homeless, but now he's made a home and a life and he's almost resigned to the fact that he'll spend eternity trapped this way.
Do you think he broke the love-spell during his escape and he's not just resigned to spending eternity trapped. He knows he's going to spend eternity beating himself up over being a horny idiot? And if he knows the witch also killed his parents, even worse.

He killed his parents, and lost the kingdom all because he couldn't control himself? It's got to be causing some serious control issues, maybe even some kind of sexual dysfunction. Maybe it even scares him...the force of his attraction to the heroine, that he might not just "lose control" (which got him into this mess) but also lose what little he has left. Bunches of internal conflict there.



My heroine ... apparently sprang fully formed from the head of the muse. She's a teacher a local university and she came into possession of the artifact that the witch wants. She was chased off the road by the witch's creatures, saved by the hero, then the story ensues. But looking back on the story as it's written, she doesn't have much depth on her own. Obviously, that's something I'll need to fix.

lol! I don't think she sprang fully formed. She's an archetype. The reason you feel she might not be very deep is because there's no reason for "her" as a person to be in your story and er...she isn't there yet anyway. At this point she's just a collection of character traits.

Tell me why.

Why her, and not any other?
dig deep. Don't say something like well, it's because she's an archeology teacher and when this thing that looks like a roman glass heart is found, she volunteers to write a paper on it.

that only says she fits the role

is it because all her life she's felt like something is missing? She likes gardening and growing things and can spend hours up to the elbows in her garden. It's only when she's digging in the dirt that she's happy which is why she studied archeology.

do you see how it syncs with the hero in a sort of opposite kind of way? He is the land and she needs that connection.

[jodi henley]

Hmmm... my story is so short due to word count -- and I had to save room for the solution to the crime. But I think I ought to just write it and worry about word count later. Maybe then I could cut w/o losing too much, winnow out the unnecessary, etc.

Shop owner -- old man, afraid to lose his daughter since he feels "abandoned" by his dead wife
Daughter -- wants to get married and be free of the shop, the heavy load of guilt caring for dad
Fiance - angry that the father is pressuring daughter to NOT marry, does not want to lose woman

interesting family dynamics. Do you think maybe the father is starting to look at his daughter in "that" way and the fiance is picking up on it? Or maybe they're both picking up on it. And maybe this whole story has a very dark undertone of stifled violence to it?


Somewhere in there, is the key to this story and the solution to the robbery. Still churning the butter, or chewing the cud ;-D

yeah, keys are usually in backstory. Who did what and why?

I think though...maybe you just need to write it out, without boundaries or a targeted word count and see where it goes

[jodi henley]

LOL Jodi ... I can see the silvery threads reaching from the PNW all the way across the Atlantic, to Ireland, connecting our brains ... LOL ... I think I even dreamt of the perfect Vimes last night.

Exactly right, I liked it better before Tessa was killed off too and loved the pilot. The whole 1930's thing with the pixie-ish thief didn't work for me at all.

I'm so glad you like my writeup! All those years of studying people and analysing my love life are finally paying off :)

Hugs
Eva

omg! I have spent way too much time thinking of possible Vimes. I'm sure I'll be sadly disappointed in whoever they pick unless he has the perfect deadpan voice. The audios make me laugh.

((hugs))

Jodi

[jodi henley]

His brother's wife is killed. The threads that spin out of this core event:
1. He, as the alpha, must first find the killer and put a stop to it before something else happens. Is it intentional killing, or random? Who and why, plague him in middle of consoling his brother to ensure the wolf-nature for revenge doesn't get the better of his pack.
2. He also recognizes the kill to be a wolf's, and that makes him wonder..if one wolf's mind can snap, what about the rest of them? Is he himself at risk.. Can he now trust himself to be safe, especially around his wife? The wolves can never stop the transformation during full moon - this lack of control adds fuel to the already raging fire.
And it is in such a mental state that he needs his wife, her softness to keep his wolf in check ;)
3. This event also in turn messes up with his lifelong battle to bring order into the wolf pack. Granted he cannot control other packs, but in face of blood or danger, he cannot allow his pack to lie low either and wait for the blow!
4. The heroine chooses this moment to realize she needs more from their relationship... hahaha (this is my cherry on top)
:'(

ahhh...very nice. I like the way your hero is so conflicted. He has to console his brother, and at the same time worry that the killing is a sign of things to come.

And maybe his absorbion made his wife feel like he was already tired of her, and she was looking for more closeness?

They are very tightly woven. :) Does the killer come after her?

[jodi henley]

Sela--
Here's something you might be able to use on the Heroine's Journey (http://www.frankelassociates.com/calithwain/Heroine.htm)
m

great site, meham! Thanks :)

[jodi henley]

My next WIP is a romance targeted at Harlequin American Romance

Heroine: raised in small town, girl-next-door, reliable. Acts the parent to her irresponsible mother. Goes on vacation where she tries on a "bad girl" persona and realizes it fits...kinda.

nice!


Hero (Senator): father, grandfather were politicians, mother has groomed him to believe in power and money, not love. He gets the same from his campaign manager--nothing gets in the way of winning the senate seat. constituents are big on the "family values," mom/manager are even pushing him towards "appropriate" mates. Frustrated by being boxed in, he gives himself a night--which turns into a weekend--with an intriguing young woman who is everything he can't have.

I like the way your hero and heroine sync :)

They're both real, and complicated, and in for the surprise of their lives. Does the hero's core event lead to conflict later down the road? I get this feeling the heroine might find out about the hero and totally wonder if he only wants her because he knew who she was all along and "who she really is" works for his campaign.

I can just see his mom going up to her and saying, "You're just perfect! Tell me where you grew up again, dear?"

:)

[jodi henley]

Thanks Jodie for so clearly showing the core events. I always knew it as backstory.

lol Ferdous. It's definitely backstory. :)


Loved how clearly you took us down the layering steps, I know it's harder than it looks. For my paranormal WIP I have more or less figured out my hero's backstory but my heroine is still a bit of a mystery. I plan to use the above to see if I can elicit more information out of her! :)

then you'll like the powerpoint. :)


Hero: was raised in a small village, by single mum. They were poor and fingers were constantly pointed towards him and his mother especially at his fatherless status. He is also half italian stood out even more amongst the WASP villagers. These experiences left him bitter and angry and he could not wait to leave it all behind to make his fortune in New York. Leaving behind also included the heroine. The story starts with him coming back home to the village, to the heroine, due to the paranormal event. He had an accident and when waking up, it was like he is a stranger but for some reason all he could think of was Melissa and the burning need inside to see her again.

So my hero would be angry, intense, driven with a lot of painful memories. In fact he will have a real tug of war in his hands when in the proximity of the heroine.


ohh...nice.

the heroine has got to be part of those memories. It's like the part of him that "can" recover wants her because it can see past the conflict, and the part of him that's still angry, because his issues were never resolved, is fighting him.

do you think maybe there was a time when she simply stood by, and didn't get involved--or let other people sway her? It'd be pretty interesting to see if the hero can see that she isn't this perfect "Madonna", but a flesh and blood heroine with conflicts of her own. And maybe--on a subconscious level--that bothers him and the story is about him moving past it toward love. :)

[Sela Carsen]

you know...I was going to lump this bit in with the bit that came after, but I glanced through the whole thread (to see how many replies were in it) and I noticed meham's comment. lol, I've never been sure how I felt about the whole Campbell thing, but...
tell me, Sela? "Who" and "what" did the witch chase away?
the king? Or the actual physical representation of the land itself? He escapes before she can "take" that from him. Sort of like the Fisher King who protects the Grail. The King is the land. And the Land protects him, even in exile.
I'm not huge on Campbell myself, but that would be a pretty powerful symbol to hang onto. And as it's a short story, it would be nice to be able to use that heavily symbolic shortcut. The thing that she lost was an artifact that she used to change the prince, but it ended up harming her when she bound them together in marriage.


Do you think he broke the love-spell during his escape and he's not just resigned to spending eternity trapped. He knows he's going to spend eternity beating himself up over being a horny idiot? And if he knows the witch also killed his parents, even worse.
He killed his parents, and lost the kingdom all because he couldn't control himself? It's got to be causing some serious control issues, maybe even some kind of sexual dysfunction. Maybe it even scares him...the force of his attraction to the heroine, that he might not just "lose control" (which got him into this mess) but also lose what little he has left. Bunches of internal conflict there.

Oh, absolutely he feels guilty and he's been hanging onto that guilt for centuries.



lol! I don't think she sprang fully formed. She's an archetype. The reason you feel she might not be very deep is because there's no reason for "her" as a person to be in your story and er...she isn't there yet anyway. At this point she's just a collection of character traits.
Tell me why.
Why her, and not any other?
dig deep. Don't say something like well, it's because she's an archeology teacher and when this thing that looks like a roman glass heart is found, she volunteers to write a paper on it.
that only says she fits the role
is it because all her life she's felt like something is missing? She likes gardening and growing things and can spend hours up to the elbows in her garden. It's only when she's digging in the dirt that she's happy which is why she studied archeology.
do you see how it syncs with the hero in a sort of opposite kind of way? He is the land and she needs that connection.
*happy sigh for symbolism* I usually like to start with an archetype when I write my novellas, and then I can riff off that basis to create a deeper character. This one, well, I didn't spend a lot of time on her and it shows. She was a sock-puppet to get the hero from loss to salvation. The Frankel archetypes from the website didn't resonate, though, so I'll do some searching through my other sources and get back to you.

[greta-g]

I like the name Chad. It's an almost instant visual. :)

And I love the way Chad "reflects" Claire. He's not average. He's just not his brother or sister, and he's got this almost desperate need for attention. I'll bet there's nothing wrong with his parents--they just ignore him in favor of his brother and sister.

you know? I was thinking, wouldn't it just be awful if "everyone" ignored him in favor of his sibs? He'd go to school and people would ask about his brother, or tell him about one of his sister's concerts. He's got sibling rivalry and attention issues. It sounds like he almost "forces" his parents to punish him.

Do you think maybe...he's messed up enough to feel any attention is good attention?

Having everyone look at him and see his sibs has got to have worked on him. It almost sounds like he can see the extraordinary in Claire. :)


I'm so glad you see what I see in my characters. That's EXACTLY how I was thinking when I thought of them! Yay.

[Anju Dimello]

Thanks Ferdous, for empathizing with my hero :) I am waiting to finish his story.... hopefully he'll cooperate when I get to him ;)

Thanks Jodi. I'm so happy that u liked him ;) As you guessed, the killer does come after her, and more reason for hero to blame himself ;) How could I resist ??

[Anika Daniels]

Heroine: She was a late baby for her parents and an only child. Her mother died when she was still young. For most of her life it was just her and her father. He'd take her to school but because he started so later she'd come home to an empty house (one of the neighbours would check on her). Her father was always there for her and she loved him but deep down she really wanted to be part of a larger family and have her mother alive. That desire is still there today.

Hero: When he was younger he fell in love and got into what he thought was a pretty serious relationship/ For once he thought there was more to life that work and his material goals. Then his girlfriend got pregnant, she was going to have an abortion but she got scared and her parents found out. They moved away and she had the baby. The first he knew of the child was when she visited him to get him to sign the adoption release papers.

He refused and she gave him the baby but refused to raise the child with him. He couldn't give her what she wanted and she refused to ruin her life with a kid so young. Some time later he sees her out with one of his friends. He vows never to give someone so much of yourself that they can hurt him or his daughter.

[writingayle]

If it's not to late, I'd like to paste my core event. This is for my WIP Urban fantasyof an adult character so I decided to use childhood events.

CORE EVENT

Jewel sat crouching in the corner of the empty classroom holding her stomach. The knees of her jeans were torn and the sandal on her left foot was broken. The tall girl Tania and the big girl Monique were laughing.
She wanted to hit them. She wanted to run over there and hit Monique as hard as Monique had hit her. Already, the pain was gone. In a few minutes, even the bruises would start to fade. As it was, Jewel was doing trying her hardest to fake a few tears.
Tania said something nasty to her and stuck out her tongue. She turned back to texting on her cell phone and Monique did the same with hers. Monique held hers out and there was a flash. " I'm showing everybody that I kicked your ass!" Tania laughed, Moniue laughed. Jewel bit down on her own tongue to stop the growl that was coming.
She could do it, but she shouldn't. Never, never, fight them, he father had said. A shifter has ten times the strength of a human. Jewel knew she could spring over there in second. Break Tania's arm and slash Monique across the faces with her nails. She could let the Shifter take over and it always did when she got angry.
But she wouldn't. She wouldn't let her father down and expose them to this. Eight towns in eight years; and her father was sick of running too. If she had to be the victim this time and not the bully then she'd try.
Jewel stood up, slowly. She pretended to wince and staggered a little. Maybe that was too much. Tania looked at her a little funny. Jewel kept her eyes down and walked away.

[jodi henley]

And as it's a short story, it would be nice to be able to use that heavily symbolic shortcut.

yeah, short stories are a lot of shortcuts and subtext. You're working in a field with so many established foundational pieces--it's a good thing, you know?



The Frankel archetypes from the website didn't resonate, though, so I'll do some searching through my other sources and get back to you.

that'll work. :)

Thanks, Sela

Jodi

[jodi henley]

I'm so glad you see what I see in my characters. That's EXACTLY how I was thinking when I thought of them! Yay.


cool! :)

Then you have some tremendous character arcs. *happy sigh*

that's the best kind of YA.

((hugs))

[jodi henley]

As you guessed, the killer does come after her, and more reason for hero to blame himself ;) How could I resist ??

Oh nice! That's a good, tight story. :)

[jodi henley]

Heroine: She was a late baby for her parents and an only child. Her mother died when she was still young. For most of her life it was just her and her father. He'd take her to school but because he started so later she'd come home to an empty house (one of the neighbours would check on her). Her father was always there for her and she loved him but deep down she really wanted to be part of a larger family and have her mother alive. That desire is still there today.

I love this. It's deceptively simple, but so incredibly complex. She was loved and well taken care of, but she always "wished". She's got to have a very highly developed sense of "what things would be like if..."

Do you think one of her conflicts later down the road would be adjusting her vision to reality? Or that she realizes maybe...that she's trying to fix what she lacked in her life by getting together with the hero and his child? I mean, they're living her childhood.

Do you think maybe she wonders if it's really love or some kind of misplaced need? Or if the child resents her (at first) how it messes with her internal vision?

very nice!


Hero: When he was younger he fell in love and got into what he thought was a pretty serious relationship/ For once he thought there was more to life that work and his material goals. Then his girlfriend got pregnant, she was going to have an abortion but she got scared and her parents found out. They moved away and she had the baby. The first he knew of the child was when she visited him to get him to sign the adoption release papers.

He refused and she gave him the baby but refused to raise the child with him. He couldn't give her what she wanted and she refused to ruin her life with a kid so young. Some time later he sees her out with one of his friends. He vows never to give someone so much of yourself that they can hurt him or his daughter.

great reflection! Not that it's in your story, but I wonder if maybe the heroine's dad never remarried because he was afraid another woman wouldn't love his daughter?

And what happens when the heroine's dream come face to face with his need to control anything that can hurt him or his kid?

well synced story. It sounds great, Anika! :)

[jodi henley]

If it's not to late, I'd like to paste my core event. Of course it's not too late. I'm here until the very end. :)



CORE EVENT

Jewel sat crouching in the corner of the empty classroom holding her stomach. The knees of her jeans were torn and the sandal on her left foot was broken. The tall girl Tania and the big girl Monique were laughing.
She wanted to hit them. She wanted to run over there and hit Monique as hard as Monique had hit her. Already, the pain was gone. In a few minutes, even the bruises would start to fade. As it was, Jewel was doing trying her hardest to fake a few tears.
Tania said something nasty to her and stuck out her tongue. She turned back to texting on her cell phone and Monique did the same with hers. Monique held hers out and there was a flash. " I'm showing everybody that I kicked your ass!" Tania laughed, Moniue laughed. Jewel bit down on her own tongue to stop the growl that was coming.
She could do it, but she shouldn't. Never, never, fight them, he father had said. A shifter has ten times the strength of a human. Jewel knew she could spring over there in second. Break Tania's arm and slash Monique across the faces with her nails. She could let the Shifter take over and it always did when she got angry.
But she wouldn't. She wouldn't let her father down and expose them to this. Eight towns in eight years; and her father was sick of running too. If she had to be the victim this time and not the bully then she'd try.
Jewel stood up, slowly. She pretended to wince and staggered a little. Maybe that was too much. Tania looked at her a little funny. Jewel kept her eyes down and walked away.

nice.

very nice.

I never really thought about a shifter's childhood if they're trying to blend.

If it worked, it must have given her a very strong reason to stay controlled and in charge at all times. And she's also developing camouflage techniques. Almost like she reflects what the situation needs her to be. :)

[writingayle]

Thank you very much for your comments and suggestions.

Almost like she reflects what the situation needs her to be
I never really thought about that; but that should be something to keep in mind when I write.